Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
