so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
