i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
