He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
3pm strippers are depressing
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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