I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
