Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
