Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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