I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
