cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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