I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
