If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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