Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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