You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
