I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
