I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
