Don't make out with my wife yet
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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