they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
