Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I love you. Go after that dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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