"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize