i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
