to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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