Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
