I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
