are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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