Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
