maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sober January is a disaster.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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