I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
