Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
