Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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