i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
