I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
