i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So squirting runs in the family.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize