Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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