god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
