4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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