How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
