I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize