did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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