I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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