I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
