is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
