i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
