you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
