I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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