We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
