taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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