we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
