I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
