if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
