I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
