Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize