Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
