don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Found the puke drawer
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
