Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
