i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
