Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
