So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The best revenge is premature balding
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
