i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
