im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize