roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
