Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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