Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize