Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
