If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
