I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
