So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
